Wednesday, May 9, 2012

WARNING: This post deals with the (im)mature subject matter of my twig and berries (My Penis) and is graphic.


Well, the catheter has been removed. For the last 5 days this thing has been the bane of my existence, it has hindered my every movement. It has been like a rubber hand cuff pushed up my penis hole tying me to a bag full of golden yellow urine. Every movement it would make would hurt. Getting out of bed would hurt because each inch to the side would push the thing in, getting into bed would be just the opposite, every time I would slide back it would yank and pull on my most sensitive of areas.

It turns out that the size of catherter they used is the largest size they have. If it hadn't been such a pain these last 5 days I'd say that it almost a compliment (I asked the nurse if it was, was that too pervy?. Anyway it has now been removed, and my piss comes from all over the place.

This thing has ravaged my manly bits so bad that it looks like they are inside out. My testies are the size of apples and the same colour too. (not granny smith apples, dark red Macintosh apples). I can't even explain what the twig of the twig and berries looks like, it's some indescribable horror straight out of the Alien chest burtster scene, but far worse that even HR Gieger could imagine.

Everything is swollen, I can only think that the horrid Canadian rap band "Swollen Members" must have experienced something like this before deciding to take out their pain on the world by making the worst Canadian music ever.

I think I found where my extra 13kg of weight is coming from.


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